mommy and daddy are fighting again

and this time I know its about me.

People tell me it's not my fault...

but they don't here them talking about "that child"

I know it's my fault

because I don't know what to do with myself.

My room...

it's safe

it's warm

the walls are comforting

I'm alone

...completely alone...

except for the voices in my head

who continue telling me it's my fault.

Now my room is no longer my sanctuary

for it has been invaded.

Invaded by the male, the bully.

Invaded by the female, the deceitful.

Their taste still lingers here.

I can no longer rest here.

I must run.

I must run.

I must run.

runrunrunrunrunrun.

The bully leaves me after he rips me with his words

Cutting through the very essence of myself

leaving me in tiny shreads, barely holding on.

The night isn't over yet, like it never is

even though I wish for it to end

even though I hope for it to end

even though I pray for it to end.

In comes the quiet, deceitful one

who, in vain attempts to protect me,

ends up only destroying me.

For she only really wants me to live out her fantasies,

which she cannot live out on her own.

Now my room is no longer my sanctuary

for it has been invaded.

Invaded by the male, the bully.

Invaded by the female, the deceitful.

Their taste still lingers here.

I can no longer rest here.

I must run.

I must run.

I must run.

runrunrunrunrunrun.

My only sanctuary is a lone swing

in a playground that is equally dark

as all the childhood memories that come from this place.

In the darkness of this night

and the emptiness of this place

it yeilds no comfort.

The swing is cold

hard

rough

unfriendly

yet here is the only place where I find my self.

my true self.

This is my Sanctuary.