Wanting to see the knife peel my skin until red flows

Desirous of the scars that dance up and down your arms

I wish I had your hands and force of will

Wanting the darkness, I stay in the doorway of shadows

Too cowardly and fearful to move either way

If only I had no one who looks to me with familiar eyes

Maybe then I could follow you down

All they see is the shell of what I was, years ago

What I created in the sunlight I cast off, no longer fitting

Skin that is still pale runs darker blood underneath

My soul is withered; my heart cold and lonely

As I'm uselessly banging my hands against these walls

In time to my pulse