Seconds

Second seconds

I glance away, I close my eyes

They are lost in the air

Minutes

minute minutes

Flying

Before my bloodshot eyes

each hour, my tension grows

The phone is silent, no one knows I'm waiting

For them

for anyone

for someone

.......please

remember me

think of me

I want desperately to hear a voice

talk to me

include me

................

Sun falls; the walls are smaller and I want to tear them apart

No where to go; no one to see

How I sit and rock and rock and rock

In this chair with my arms around my legs

Knees to my chest, crushing breath

Fingernails gouging, peeling skin

Like my heart, bleeding

Hurt

Panic

Only a few hours left

Rock, rock, rock

Soon I'll get up and dressed

Go out and smile and laugh and pretend

For a few hours

I'm happy

I'm here

I'm all right

Rock, rock, rock, rock, rock

Who am I kidding?

I'll stay right here

as always, rocking, rocking, rocking

listening

to the silence

and trembling breath

my hot tears

lost

absorbed into my abused skin

stinging