It’s cold. You open your eyes to a world of black and white. The sky above so gray and bleak. White snow crunches beneath the feet of the shifting, black forms surrounding you.

Some coughs and quiet sobs can be heard in the stillness. Heard to all but you, far away in your mind.

no.

You go back to that day; a similar day to this snowy one, just a few days after Christmas. It’s evening, the phone rings and mom answers. A brisk hello, a moments pause. The conversation that you can hear becomes long and serious. You sit at the table in front of her trying to discern the emotion that she is hiding with difficulty.

No.

The instant mom puts down the phone time slows. Seconds, maybe minutes pass but you don’t comprehend anything but the growing dread. Mom finally looks you in the eyes and you know. You scream.

“NO!”

It’s cold. You open your eyes to a world of black and white, the scream still echoing in your mind.

No! No. No, no…

You’re numb, but is it from the cold? Or the pain? Standing here before his grave, holding a pink rose. Such a strange contrast to the gray stone, the black people, the white snow, the drab sky. Only then you realize that he was younger than you.

Happy New Year…